The First Secret to a Happy Life - A Gardening Lesson....

Birds are chirping.  Bunnies are hopping. Tulips are popping.  People are sneezing. Taxes - or extensions - are filed.  

In case you haven’t noticed, it is officially Spring (in the Midwest anyway).  If you haven’t noticed that it is Springtime, you might live in Minnesota - where I think they just had snow a week  and a half or so ago. Or you might live in Georgia where I saw Daffodils in late February. But that isn’t the point.

The point is that it is officially Spring - according to the calendar and most of nature in America.  I love Spring. Despite my allergies, it is probably my very favorite season - when everything starts to look alive again and you can open your windows while you sleep.  

Garden centers are full of people shopping for the annuals that they need to replant or the perennials that didn’t come back even though they should have.  I’m, once again, repeating my vow to get out there and get a lilac bush to plant in my yard - but still haven’t actually done anything about it (a six year tradition).

It’s time to plant!  In Missouri - we really like tomato plants.  And pansies. But that doesn’t matter. It’s not about the “what” you like to plant right now.  And I am by no means a really, good gardener. I barely pretend to be a semi-adequate gardner. But I do know the very basics.  

Right now, it is about me sharing with you one of my biggest secrets to a happy life.  Six words that will make the biggest difference if you really sit and think about them.

Water your flowers.  Not your Weeds.

I don’t remember the exact circumstances under which I uttered those words for the first time.  I know that my daughter was upset about something that teenagers get upset about. Some form of drama related to friends or school or acne or I’m not sure what.  But I was giving her one of those rambling “mom pep talks” when I said to her - “Hey! Water your flowers. Not your weeds.”

It was probably spring and I probably had tomato plants on the brain.  But it just made so much sense.

Let’s talk about gardening from the perspective of the brownest thumb.  There are two main rules to gardening that even the worst gardener wannabe knows:

1. Water good
2. Weeds bad

So simple.  If you want your flowers or veggies to be great - there is no hope if you don’t give them water.  Period. Point blank. Most important thing. You have to water your flowers. If you do nothing else - you have to give them water.  Nothing will happen without water. Without water, they will shrivel up and die.

   

And weeds?  Well they react to water too.  Water makes them grow and spread - like weeds.  And if they grow too much - they choke out your flowers (or your grass).  I have a neighbor whose yard is entirely weeds. Have you ever seen a dandelion the size of a bowling ball?  No? I’ll take a picture for you, because that is what happens if you don’t take care of your weeds. They take over and ruin your garden.  

Let’s examine the basics of gardening.  You have this plant. A tomato seedling.  A rose bush. Some gerbera daisies. Whatever pushes your happy button.  You prepare your little flower bed or garden. You clean up whatever you didn’t have the energy to do in the fall.  You till it. You put down topsoil. You plant things in neat, precise, little rows. You fertilize it (naturally from composting - with miracle gro - you do you) or you don’t.  But you prepare for this plant. And then you start the process of watering. You water every day unless it rains. You don’t want the roots to get dry. Your plant starts to grow.  And bud. And flower.

When the weeds start to pop up, you have to pluck them before they get to tall.  After a good rain, they grow overnight. You say “where did those come from?” and then you put on your grubby clothes and start pulling.  And then you spend the next day itching. Next week you have to do it again. You aren’t trying to grow weeds. You certainly aren’t trying to give them water or fertilizer when you are caring for your precious plant.  But that doesn’t stop them from taking the water that isn’t meant for them. You have to do your best to eliminate them, keep them away or make sure they don’t grow so big and tall that they destroy all of your hard work and take the nutrients that your garden needs..  

Sure, I know there is much more to gardening success - but these are the two most of basic rules.    

Now let’s put this in perspective of your life.  

Think about all of the positive, important, beautiful things in your life.  Your individuality. Your spouse. Your children. Your friends. Your family.  Your job. Your talents. Your success. Your positivity. Your spirituality. Your cat.  They are your highest priorities. They bring you joy. They make you smile. You admire their beauty.  These things are your flowers.

These things don’t just exist.  You have to do the work. Relationships require communication and effort.  Talents require practice and execution. Your job requires time and focus. Your cat requires your soul.  They all require love, attention, energy and nurturing. This is your water. They help make your flowers grow.   

Now for the weeds.  The weed list can be extensive - especially since sometimes what you think is a flower is actually a weed (I’m looking at you dandelions).  It is everything that serves as a positivity suck. Self hate, doubt, imposter syndrome, negativity, toxic relationships, drama, bad influences, baggage, depression, anxiety, jealousy, frenemies.  I think you see where I am going. These things don’t require your attention and energy - they DEMAND it. They demand you give them your water and they demand you give them as much of your water that you can possibly spare.  And the more attention and energy you give them, the bigger and stronger they grow. Before long, all you can see is the weeds. You might even forget you had flowers to begin with.

This doesn’t mean you have permission to ignore your weeds.  You must be able to recognize what is a weed - as I said - weeds can be tricky masters of disguise sometimes.  You have to address and acknowledge them. You have to destroy them. And just when you think you have conquered them, a little rain storm will come along and those little suckers will start to pop right back out of nowhere and you have to do it again.

If you didn’t pick up on it, this process is where therapy, self care and coping skills come into play.  A topic for another time. Today our focus is on the water. The energy needed to make both flowers and weeds grow.  

Now I realize that in an actual garden, when you point your hose you will hit both flowers and weeds (if they are there).  It’s really hard to separate one from the other in that moment. But it’s not like your focus is on watering the creeping vine that is strangling your roses.  It’s on watering your roses.

Your weeds’ only purpose is to destroy your flowers.  Your precious, colorful bundles of emotional joy. And they are good at it.  They are like little emotional bullies. Your flowers deserve your protection, love, energy and all of your water.  

So remember this mantra when you turn on your emotional hose.  Water your flowers. Not your weeds. If you can remember and repeat this one simple gardening tip, you will have a foundation for a strong, happy little garden.